Saturday, September 16, 2006

One Liners

- God is real, unless declared an integer.
- Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
- Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
- Home is where the television is.
- Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
- Death is hereditary.
- Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
- Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
- When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
- Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
- Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else....
- Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
- Well done is better than well said.
- Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
- They say hard work never hurt anybody, but why take the chance?
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
- You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
- I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
- If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
- Pessimist: A person that looks both ways when crossing a one way street.
- The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train.
- Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
- I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
- Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
- Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government.
- The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
- There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
- An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.