Ireland wins over England

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day
and most of the night celebrating Ireland's win against
England.

Mick, the bartender, says "You'll not be drinking
anymore tonight, Paddy"
Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls
flat on his face.
"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and
dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face.

"Shoite, Shoite!"
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he
can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.

He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame.
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of
fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the
sidewalk.

He falls flat on his face.

"Bi'Jesus... I'm stooft," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawled to
the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door
and shimmies inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says "No way".
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I
can make it to the bed."

He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.
He says "Shoite" and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room
carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you
have a bit to drink last night?"..
Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' p*ssed. But how'd
you know?"

"Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub."