Lawyer Jokes

You will either die on the gallows or of the pox.
Lord Sandwich
"...that must depend on whether I embrace your lorship's principles or you mistress"
Attributed to Samuel Foot.


A man who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client.
Anon.


I do not come to speak ill of any man behind his back, but I believe this man is an attorney.
Samuel Johnson


Lawyer, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
Lawsuit, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
Ambrose Bierce


Beneath this smooth stone lies Master John Gill.
By lies when alive this attorney did thrive,
And now he's dead he lies still.
Epitaph for a lawyer (anon)